


Mea Culpa

by AKMars



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: M/M, New Relationship, Pre-Slash, Schmoop, Soul-Searching, meaningful heartfelt conversation, verbal comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-16
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 23:45:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKMars/pseuds/AKMars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shot episode tag for '4C'.  Reese & Finch continue their conversation.  See end notes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mea Culpa

Title: Mea Culpa (One-shot tag to ‘4C’)  
Rating: T  
Pairing: Finch/Reese (pre-slash)  
Tags: M/M, new relationship, verbal comfort, soul-searching, schmoop

NOTES: Reese continues his conversation with Finch. See end notes.

**meaculpameaculpameaculpameaculpa**

 

_Reese had gone to the exhibition with Finch, in a casual ensemble picked out by Harold as John was having his measurements taken by the tailor. It was bittersweet, being at the older man's side once more but it was the place he truly belonged, Reese admitted to himself at last. That Finch was happy, there was no question. Harold's quiet comments and sideways glances; the occasional brush of his arm against his companion's all were meant to reassure himself that John was really there._

_Despite Harold's words, Reese knew that the real reason Finch was in Rome was to make sure that John was alright. Their conversation at the café table had been a long time in coming and Reese could admit in hindsight that he had not been ready to have it until that moment. Now, back at Finch’s hotel, the op was ready to make his full peace._

**meaculpameaculpameaculpameaculpa**

 

Harold Finch eased his aching frame onto the overstuffed couch that dominated the sitting room in the Royal Suite. He’d removed his jacket and waistcoat, hanging them in the ornate wardrobe along with the lovely silk tie he liked so much but found few occasions to wear in New York. Rome was a city made for the celebration of beauty; for rejoicing in the finer things....be they art, clothing, good food or wine. At any other time, for any other reason he would be enjoying his visit here to the fullest. 

He closed his eyes, sighing as the adrenaline-fueled roller coaster he’d been on the past twenty-four hours finally ended its run. Harold was exhausted; mentally and physically. The pain in his hip and lower back had settled into a dull, throbbing ache. He wanted nothing more than to sit quietly and savor the knowledge that his partner, _his friend_ was with him once again. The hiss of water carried from the bathroom to his ears, making him smile. John had gone straight to take a shower as soon as they’d entered the suite. The sounds were homey, comforting; reminding Harold of visits to John’s loft and waiting for him to wash the accumulated grime of the city from his body after handling their latest number.

**meaculpameaculpameaculpameaculpa**

 

“Finch...you with me?”

Harold opened his eyes with a start, slowly becoming aware of his partner sitting beside him. He inhaled, rubbing his face with one hand.

“I apologize, I must have dozed off.”

“S’alright....I think we’re both pretty tired.”

The recluse laboriously turned his body to look at Reese, his eyes widening as he realized the other man was clad in nothing but one of the plush hotel robes. John had shaved, the sharp angles of his cheekbones even more prominent than usual without a concealing scruff of facial hair. _He’s lost weight....._

The op's hair, though still damp, was now trimmed and neatly combed. His eyes were clear and it seemed to Finch, less shadowed than they had been in recent weeks. Harold licked his lips, needing to know what was going on inside his friend's head.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better...." John's reply was quiet. "Not a hundred percent yet, probably won't be for awhile." He shrugged, the neck of the robe falling open a bit from the movement.

Harold made a conscious effort to avert his gaze. The temptation to stare at the expanse of warm, tanned skin now revealed to his eyes was almost overwhelming. He had long come to terms with the fact that he would never act upon his desires for Reese. Now, with his partner so emotionally unstable it would be even more unforgivable for Harold to consider it. _Besides, it's not **me** he wanted....that much at least is clear. I will be here for him, however. He's my friend, my best and only one._

There was nothing Finch wouldn't do for the man who called himself John Reese. When John told Harold point blank that he quit, Finch had started setting up an account and documents under his partner's favored alias. The recluse was determined that Reese would not suffer financially for his decision...it was the least Harold could do in recompense. Indeed, Finch would have given the man much more than he had but he knew Reese would try to return it in some fashion or just walk away from it altogether. 

He started again when he felt John's fingers on his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry...." 

"Deep thoughts, Finch?" Reese's smile was wistful, as if he wished he could follow along with Harold's musings. 

"You must be hungry...shall I order something from Room Service?" He started to struggle to his feet, only to be stopped by his partner's hand dropping down to his knee. 

"Maybe in a minute. I need to tell you something. Should have already." 

Harold gaped as John slid off of the sofa to kneel in front of him. 

"Mr. Reese? Wha-" The look in John's eyes stopped him in mid-sentence. 

"I spent so much of my life shut down...I've never been the kind of person who talked about feelings; especially given the way I'm hard-wired." John looked at the carpet as he spoke, his sight pulled inward by the strength of his memories. Finch kept his silence, instinctively understanding his partner's need to talk. 

"Jessica..." he swallowed hard. "Being with her let me give myself permission to relax. Allowed me to open up a bit. I did love her Finch, I think in the same way you did Grace." 

Harold nodded, understanding what his friend didn't say out loud. 

"Then I re-enlisted; was recruited by the CIA. I lost what little humanity I had managed to regain. By the time I met you, there wasn't much of _me_ left." 

"John...." 

"No...I need to say this. I'm sorry Harold, sorry for letting you down; sorry for walking away. From the beginning, you were always there for me. Refusing to give up on me, never pushing me aside...not even when I left you." 

Reese took a shuddering breath and Harold saw that he was trembling. Finch wanted desperately to reach out and gather John into his arms but knew the other man wasn't ready for comfort; not yet. 

"Deep down, I knew you were hurting just as much as I was. But I left anyway. You let me go, you didn't want to but you knew you had to. And you still looked out for me; never stopped caring." 

"I can't John. You're my friend, my-" Finch caught himself a moment. "I couldn't just turn those feelings off. I will always want what is best for you and if that means you eventually do leave for good then I have no right to demand that you stay." 

Reese looked up at last, his eyes dark with emotion. 

"I'm not leaving Harold. Not anymore. I meant it when I told you I needed to get back to work. What I didn't say was that I need you even more." 

"John, you-" Finch grunted as he was enveloped by the op's strong arms. Reese's nose pressed against his neck and Harold felt the warm puff of breath on the side of his face as John whispered in his ear. 

"When things went south at the morgue, I didn't think I'd see Carter again. I told her what I wanted her to hear, to give her comfort and enough hope to try and make it out of there alive." John sighed, pressing a soft kiss on the recluse's cheek. 

"But if I _had_ died that night, the last word I spoke would have been your name, Harold." 

Finch gasped, his body heaving as a sob tore out of him. _"John.....John...."_

_There would be time to talk more on the flight to New York but for both men, right now...in this place, they had at last come home._

**meaculpameaculpameaculpameaculpa**

NOTES: I know it would never have happened on the show but the one tiny thing that would have made the Finch/Reese reconciliation scene absolutely perfect for me would have been for Reese to actually say the words “I’m sorry.” 

He does, just not verbally and Harold of course acknowledges that non-verbally as well in that wonderful ‘always’ way our boys have of expressing-without-saying how they feel about each other. But, if there was ever a time for those two words to be spoken, this surely was it. So I wrote it, just for my own personal satisfaction. Hope someone else out there enjoys it too, or at least doesn’t hate it too much, lol! 


End file.
